Nina’s Story
May 9, 2008
Excerpts From LAUGHING IN A WATERFALL Experiences at the Threshold by Marianne Mitter Dietzel about Nina Dietzel and Kirsten BerghWalking up those basement stairs , the day after Thanksgiving, November 29, 1996, I still could not entertain the possibility that a loved one was in danger. There in the basement I met my husband, Dennis, who had just come down the stairs with the afghan draped around his shoulders and a haggard look on his face. He said grimly that I should come upstairs because he had something to tell me. [Read more]
Paul’s Story
May 9, 2008
In 1995, when my first husband Paul was dying in the hospital, we knew we wanted to have the privilege of taking care of his body, and having a home vigil. We didn’t know if we could do it, and we didn’t know how to do it. While I was at the hospital 24 hrs. a day with Paul after his cardiac arrest, a dear friend starting calling, and found that the Cremation Society could help us. They would be the agency in charge of his body after death (which is the easiest legal procedure) and would help us transport his body from the hospital. It has to be released to an official body, unless you have the necessary paperwork. Paul died one day later, and so we were ready with our contract with the Cremation Society. Their personnel transported Paul’s body to their site, where a close circle of friends bathed and prepared his body with their help. We bought an inexpensive wooden casket, and then he was transported to our home, where we had a three day vigil. This vigil was not publicly announced, but done by word of mouth to close family and friends. We kept his body cool with dry ice, and friends sat with the body night and day for the three days. Then the Cremation Society came back, and took the body to the crematorium. We had a memorial service for Paul the next day.
Important facts about home death care and vigils
May 9, 2008
The reasons for caring for our own after they have passed:
We can be in charge, and make the decisions that are right for our family (within legal limits). It allows more time for close family and friends to have a safe and known environment to say goodbye.. This promotes closure, and can shift the grief process. It allows for both planned and spontaneous rituals and ceremony, which also aid in closure.
. It honors this very special time of crossing without the wrenching disconnection. [Read more]
Home Dying & Death Care
May 9, 2008
Caring for our own:
We do have choices about being close to our beloved family member or friend at the time of the final passage from life. The purpose of this information is to give you and yours permission to find your own way to say goodbye in all aspects of the death process.
Each death is unique. Taking care of our own in the hours and days after death is returning as an option for many people like it was commonly 100 years ago.. What is a challenging time can also be a precious healing time, filled with spirit.
Deborah’s Home Death and Vigil 2008
May 9, 2008
THE HOME DEATH AND VIGIL FOR DEBORAH 
Embracing death with grace, dignity and faith by Lauren Carlson-Vohs (a reflection on Deborah’s passing and vigil from a good friend)
A dear friend’s valiant journey with cancer ended recently. Only in the last days before her passing did she reluctantly let go of her steadfast resolve that she would beat this disease, that a miracle could still happen. And in those last days people streamed in and out of the home, mourning the pending loss of this very special soul.
Stepping into the home, one felt as though time was left at the doorstep. An ethereal energy filled the home as friends and family moved about quietly, realizing the sacred, sorrowful moment that was upon us. And as she shifted in and out of sleep, and gradually into unconsciousness, she graciously accepted all the love with touching words and her beautiful smile for which she will always be remembered.
Chairs lined her bedroom and were often filled with people, some meeting one another for the first time, all sharing in this moving communion of saying goodbye. Songs were sung, lyre and guitar played, inspirational readings read, prayers offered, memories shared and comforting stories told of others’ experiences crossing over. At times people sat silently in prayer. In another moment people joined in to quietly hum “Amazing Grace.”
I have never witnessed such love and caring surrounding anyone’s passing. Amazingly it continued on past her death, since the family consciously chose to have a 72-hour vigil in the home during which time someone was always at her side. This was done to aid in her spirit’s transition and to be of comfort in the grieving process of family and friends.
It was a moving experience I shall never forget, one that leaves a person forever changed. Too often we are isolated from the dying process and our final goodbyes seem too brief and often incomplete. We should all be blessed with such a fond passing where one’s transition is so lovingly embraced, one’s life so beautifully honored and celebrated.
This is the story of a family’s wish for a home vigil (sometimes called a home funeral).
Deborah passed away Jan 21, 2008 having lived with cancer for over 1 1/2 years. She was the loving mother of two girls, aged 10 and 12, the wife of David. Both David and Deborah wished for a home vigil, so that family and friends could say goodbye in the loving environment of the their home. Community members were prepared and ready to help with all aspects of this care. The article above speaks of a special time two days before her death when Deborah slipped into a coma David contacted friends and family so they could say goodby to their dear friend. Community members came and prepared the home and set the tone for this threshold of death, and for the three day vigil. She died at home in Hospice Care.
See the Home Death Care Section for details about a home vigil, including the support for family, practical aspects of body care, legal guidelines, and working with a funeral home.
BEHIND THE SCENES:How this Vigil came about and how it supported the family and community 
written by Linda Bergh)
David’s request for future help June 2006: After David’s wife Deborah was faced with cancer metasizing to her bone, David asked if I would help with the crossing of his beloved Deborah when that time came.
Preparation Meeting Six Days before Deborah’s Passing: In January of 2008, when she was in Hospice, and failing, David felt it was time to prepare. She went into a coma four days later. He and I met to go over his wishes and questions. We knew that close friends and some community members would be willing to help.
David’s inner wishes became a list of actions others could fulfill
Wish to contact the community : A friend sent email notice, approved by David, the variety to family, school parents, work colleagues, friends, This letter included an explanation of a three day vigil,ways people could be involved.
Contacting the Cremation Society: David contacted them to make the arrangements for picking up the body after the three days, for the cremation , and for the paperwork, including the death certificate
Casket: David chose to use a community casket provided by the Twin Cities Threshold Group. The casket was lined in purple silk by a group of friends on Thursday eve, and then delivered to their home on Saturday morning. David chose to have the casket come to its place in the room where the vigil would be held that day, as a part of the preparation for her crossing, which he knew was imminent.
Sacred body washing and preparation: David chose close friends to be present with him the morning of Deborah’s passing to prepare her body (washing, blessing, dressing). The girls choose her dress. It was a very intimate and special time of saying goodby. Then her body was placed in the casket.
Preparation for the Vigil Many friends and family prepared the space for vigil. Pictures of Deborah and her family; Beauty of silks, candles and flowers. In choosing the room for the vigil, David decided to have a quiet small semi-private space, leaving the living,dining, kitchen rooms as social areas where families and children could converse, eat, and play normally and people could chose to go and spend time in the vigil space.
The Vigil: After Deborah crossed over, friends of all ages came to support the family and say goodby, bringing songs, poems, pictures, and mostly themselves, to be with David and the girls. Sometimes there was one person in the vigil room, sometimes many people singing or talking. And in the rest of the home, people were gathered to remember, and eat, and share. The children who came were able to play with the two girls, bringing an aliveness and joy along with the deep sadness and sorrow.
Vigil Readers/Holders : Every hour of the three days someone was with Deborah in the quiet vigil area to hold her soul/spirit and share what they wished. It could include silence, prayer, reading, singing, playing, stories, conversation. People could e mail or call one organizer.
Hearth Holders : Two people were at the home at all times to support any needs for family, or guests. These friends greeted family and friends, kept the kitchen clean, made sure there was enough food,and saw what was needed for the children.
After the Vigil. The casket closing David gathered with close friends at the end of the three days when the casket was closed. It was a further moment of saying goodby. Special roses were given by the girls to each person before he or she spoke. These roses went inside the casket with Deborah for her journey
The Cremation David wished to accompany Deborah’s body to the cremation. The Cremation Society hearse came, and the same group of friends and family followed the hearse to the Crematorium. It is a very final goodby, and a challenging moment.
A Gathering for closure : After leaving the Crematorium, David and this group of family and friends gathered at a nearby restaurant to be together after these intense times. It was very important to breathe out.
Memorial : David’s decision was to have a Life Celebration in May, so that he could focus on being present to the three days and on saying goodby without feeling overwhelmed.
She Would Draw Flowers
May 9, 2008
SHE WOULD DRAW FLOWERS
by Kirsten Savitri Bergh.
Please visit www.shewoulddrawflowers.com for more information about this book. This poetry book, written by a 17 year “young”woman, embraces life, death and love in a way that invites us in. Authentic, light-filled and down to earth. FIFTH EDITION BEING PUBLISHED 2009 with NEW CHAPTER More poetry and Artwork and access to new website for the book. Kirsten Bergh was 17 when she died suddenly in a car accident. She Would Draw Flowers is her legacy of art and poetry which weaves a rich tapestry of joy, beauty, and inner transformation. Waldorf Education, which schools the imagination through story-telling, poetry, and visual arts, gave her a wholistic view of the world which encouraging self-expression. At age 16, Kirsten faced the death of her father and other personal life challenges. Poetry was her way of penetrating through her grief and loss to confirm that love is the strongest thread in the fabric of life. This book is her offering that can inspire and guide us all in strengthening our living connection to people, nature and the cosmos. [Read more]
Kirsten’s Story
May 9, 2008
In 1996, my daughter Kirsten Bergh,17, and her dear friend Nina Dietzel, 18, died in an auto accident in New York state, where they were attending a Waldorf High School. I was in that accident. A home vigil was held for them in Harlemville New York, and the Twin Cities Waldorf Community came together here in support and grief. The parent of Nina, Marianne and Dennis Dietzel, and I were carved by grief in the following years, and supported by community and spirit. Many of the experiences of that time and the years following inform our work now.
In April 1997 I published a book of her poetry and art for her memorial as a way to share her spirit with friends and family. This section tells her story
.
SHE WOULD DRAW FLOWERS is by Kirsten Savitri Bergh. She Would Draw Flowers is her legacy of art and poetry which weaves a rich tapestry of joy, beauty, and inner transformation. She lost her father at 16, and found him inside of her. This book was published for her friends and family as a way to stay connected, but has found a much wider public in the 10 years since it was published. This small volume has sold 10,000 copies and is a special book for many teenagers and adults. It is available Linda Bergh or Anthroposophic Press
From the introduction to the first printing, April 1997:“As a mother, each day facing this unimaginable loss, I question how I might remain connected to my beloved daughter while leaving her free to journey on. I find answers in the poems that Kirsten has left. It is my hope that you will also experience the comfort, inspiration, and hope that these poems continue to awaken in me.”
Utne Reader Article on Jack
May 9, 2008
To Live With No Regrets
By Nina Utne, Utne magazine
September / October 2005
Death is a transition for the dying — and for those left behind
I recently stopped by the house of our friends Jack Heckelman and Linda Bergh for an evening of singing and music. Like the others gathered there, I was part of an extended community the two had created over the years. Jack was up and sitting with the group, weaker than when we last saw him, taking oxygen but present and alert. Linda told us that her husband had reached a turning point that day. He’d moved from holding on to life to preparing himself for impending death. Jack died four days later. [Read more]
Jack’s Ethical Will
May 9, 2008
THE ETHICAL WILL OF T. JACK HECKELMAN
I have been privileged beyond belief to have lived a wonderful life – a life of excitement, adventure, fulfillment and service. I have lived many places throughout the United States, as well as Japan, Indonesia, Egypt, Morocco, Alaska, and Hawaii and have been in 55 countries in the world. I like to think of myself as a global citizen.
I have had a long and healthy life but am now living under the shadow of inoperable cancer. Thus I live each day with a heightened awareness of how precious life is. So I have been given one more gift, to enter the greatest adventure of life, living into dying with consciousness. This is an incredible opportunity to share with vigor what the journey of 82 years has been to this point, of what it has meant to me, the experiences that have shaped me and some of the lessons I have learned as my legacy for you. I am filled with so much gratitude, with love, and with appreciation for this privilege.
Jack’s Life Story
May 9, 2008
Theodore Jack Heckelman
January 23,1923, Los Angeles Ca – April 24, 2005 Minneapolis MN
Jack Heckelman’s great love and concern for the earth led to a life of 50 years of environmental and social justice activism. He was a world traveler and enjoyed living in the fascinating cultures of Japan , Indonesia , and Egypt as well as many places in the US . Having visited and worked in over 55 countries, he rightly considered himself a global citizen. An able photographer, he enthusiastically recorded the whole adventure with over 75,000 slides. Jack loomed large and significant in many people’s lives and certainly did so as the only and older brother to our sister Holly and me.